Why You Never Bring Wizards to the Beach
by Syd the Tired
Summary: Remus, Sirius and the trio go to the beach. Badness insues. WARNING!!! There is slash. fan of slash. Ron/Hermione, with a generoushelping of another couple. It's RL/SB, if you don't like it don't read.


This is the long deliberated on 'beach fic'. Blame the entire idea on a long session of IMing with Jules. We come up with some odd ideas. *coughcrazycatladiescoughcough* Therefore I dedicate this to Jules, Bria who proof read it and Serena who helped me come up with some of the badness.   
  
  
Sirius sat in a chair in the cottage that he and Remus shared. He looked at the crowd standing around said chair. He crossed his arms and shook his head. "Nope, no way. Not going."  
  
Harry stepped up to his godfather and pouted. Not only did he pout, he also gave the saddest puppy dog eyes possible. Hermione lifted a hand over her mouth to keep from snickering.   
  
Sirius, on the other hand, just rolled his eyes. "Really Harry, you defeated Voldemort more than once. You would think that you were old enough not to pout."  
  
The group then looked at Harry, who shrugged then stared expectantly at Remus. The trio stared as their former professor ran his hand up and down his lovers neck whilst whispering words that promised things that they probably did not want to think about. The black haired man's body eyes closed and his body relaxed out of its defensive state. Remus nipped his ear and Sirius shot out of his chair and up the stairs like someone had set his butt on fire.   
  
"How did you get him to do that?" Hermione pondered. Ron shook his head, trying to convey that he did not under any circumstances want to know what had transpired between the two older men.   
  
Remus shrugged his shoulders and said, " All I did was promise that he could eat all the ice cream and under no circumstances would he have to get any where near the water. Oh yes, he's wearing his Day-Glo orange Speedo that James had given him back before your birth Harry. Prongs had a matching pair. I also promised…"   
  
Ron stopped his refrain of 'Virgin ears… I don't wanna know… Virgin ears…' He scratched his head and asked, " What is Day-Glo?"   
  
Fifteen minutes later, Sirius bounded back down the stairs and asked, "What's everyone waiting for? Let's go!"  
  
Hermione told them all where to go and off they apparated. But not before everyone heard Ron's mumbled comment on how glad he was that he never had to hear Hermione say that you could not apparate on Hogwarts grounds.   
  
Ron, Sirius and Remus all ended up in the men's bathing house. The three went to wait outside, not even wondering where Harry had ended up. Suddenly cries of 'pervert', 'man' and 'cad' filled the air. The door to the women's bathing house opened and out walked an extremely embarrassed Hermione and a shocked yet happy Harry Potter.  
  
Ron mumbled, "Why couldn't I have ended up in there?"  
  
Hermione shot him a pointed look and he quickly and wisely shut up. The group started to walk to less crowded part of the beach. They lay their towels in a nice straight row and Remus, being the most responsible and level headed, handed a bottle of SPF 50 to both Ron and Sirius.   
  
Sirius cursed Azkaban for messing with his skin tone; twelve years of no light can make one pale. Ron, on the other hand, glared at his freckles, which seemed to have multiplied in the ten minutes that they had been in the sunlight.   
  
"Maybe they'll all run together," sighed Ron.  
  
"Not bloody likely," replied Harry, which earned a smack from Ron and a "Harry!" from Hermione. Remus shook his head and lay down on his back.   
  
After applying the sunscreen to his face, Sirius began to strip off his clothes. He pulled the t-shirt over his head and exposed inch after inch of tantalizing flesh. Remus barely suppressed a moan. Harry called to Sirius asking him something about dogs, fur and sand, so the black haired man turned to face his godson. Unfortunately for Remus this was away from him. So as Sirius bent to untie his shoes, his butt was sticking out right over Remus' … middle body.  
  
After answering the question, he turned to face his partner. "Moony? Will you put the sunscreen on my back after I get my arms?"  
  
Remus couldn't do anything but nod as Sirius shimmied out of his tight shorts, revealing a skimpy bright orange Speedo.  
  
Ron burst out, "Hermione! Sirius stole your bikini bottoms."   
  
Hermione made a small squeaking noise in the back of her throat. "Ronald Weasley, I'm going to kill you."  
  
"Huh?" Ron stared at his girlfriend with a perplexed look on his face. "What did I do? All I said was that it looked like Sirius stole your bikini bottom."  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes and pulled off her cover-up revealing a tiny white almost see through string bikini. Ron's eyes bugged out of his head and his jaw dropped.  
  
"Wha… What are you wearing? Or should I say what aren't you wearing!!! Hermione put some clothes on! I will not allow my girlfriend to dress like this in front of other people."  
  
"You won't allow me?" Hermione asked slowly. Her shoulders shook with barely controlled anger. She added sarcastically, "I'm sorry Ron that I didn't get my wardrobe inspected by you before we left. Please forgive me." She rolled her eyes.  
  
"Apology accepted," Ron replied.   
  
Harry snorted. Dead Ron was going to litter the beach soon. Hermione watched as Ron fell asleep and motioned to Harry. She picked up a bucket then began to pantomime. An evil grin formed on Harry's face. Quietly, they started to pile buckets of sand on the redhead's body.  
  
Remus and Sirius both shook their heads. Sirius grabbed his towel and nodded to Remus. They walked over to a more populated part of the beach yet it seemed to infinitely safer.   
  
"Remus… Will you put sunscreen on my back?" Sirius looked at his lover with the puppy dog eyes that Harry had tried to pull of earlier. Except he made them work.   
  
Remus tried to shake his head; he knew what the consequences would be. In all actuality, Remus did shake his head but heard himself saying yes at the same time. 


End file.
